The Insane Hunter

[I thought this was cutely funny, so I’m sharing it here.]

Yummy growls with anger and smacks his hand away, grabbing at her clothing.
Yummy: Did you ask my owner’s permission to use me?!
The Hunter rips it away from her and throws it into the corner of the hut.
Hunter: I need none, wench, for I know you are not owned. Who but me would want such a tiresome female?
Yummy: I am owned. And if I am tiresome, you should release me.
Hunter: Yes, by the King as his scribe, I know. But he does not use you.
Yummy: No, by the land. You should ask its permission.
The Hunter laughs for a moment, then stomps his foot on the ground.
Yummy perks a brow at the Hunter’s behavior.
Hunter: Hear me, land! May I take this wench? Answer only if not; keep silent if she is mine.
Yummy listens.
The Hunter listens.
Yummy: Oh, do you hear that?
Hunter: I hear nothing. The land does not want you, wench.
Yummy: No no… You are old, and your hearing is going.
Yummy: The land said, “Release the Yummy!
The Hunter tries to hear, straining his ears.
Yummy tugs on the leash hopefully.
Hunter: No sweetness, there is no reply.
Yummy: I heard it. Not my fault you have water in your ears… or wax.. or your fingers.
Hunter: But even if I released you, the door is locked.
Yummy: You could unlock it.
Hunter: If you behave, I might.
The Hunter takes off his bow.
Yummy: I am behaving. I have not kicked you.
The Hunter licks his lip, tasting the blood.
Hunter: Did you not bite me, wench?
Yummy: Oh…. that. But you tried to kiss me, like I was a girlfriend…
Hunter: So it’s kisses you do not like.
Yummy: I do not like being in this small room either. You should take me outside so I can breath the clean air.
Hunter: Then I will spend no time romancing you.
Yummy: And let me go?! Yay!
Hunter: I will just take what I need.
Yummy: a bath?

[Later, after…. ahem]

Hunter: Stay, sweetness, and be mine.
Yummy laughs. “I cannot be yours.”
Hunter: The land did not call out for you.
Yummy: It did.
Hunter: Then I must kill the land to own you.
Yummy glares at him. “You will do no such thing!”

[And a few minutes later, after I ran to wash off in Monet Pond]

Yummy: Now what?
The Hunter sits shooting arrows into the ground.
Yummy swims into the rushes.
Hunter: Listen to me, land. I mean to take from you that which I desire.
Yummy facepalms. “You are insane. And I am going to bed…”
The Hunter shoots more arrows into the ground.
The Hunter looks up at the sweet voice.
Yummy: I will tell my sister on you!
Hunter: Goodnight, precious.
Yummy mutters. “Insane… age has worn down his brain…”
The Hunter smiles.
Hunter: Insanely smitten, yes.
Yummy: You say that to all the girls.
Hunter: There are none that I desire, other that what I can not have.
Yummy shakes her head at him before running off to bed.


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